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my dear Kassner, so this it was
of which my nature has been urgently forewarning me
for three years: I am ill
in a miserable and infinitely
painful way, a little-known cell alteration in the blood
is becoming the point
of departure
for the most horrible occurrences
scattered throughout my body. And I,
who never wanted to look it squarely in the face,
am learning to adjust myself
to the incommensurable
anonymous
pain. Am learning it with difficulty,
amid a hundred resistances,
and so sadly amazed. I wanted you to know of this
condition of mine
which will not be of the most passing. Inform the dear Princess of it,
as much as you consider well.
my dear Paul, so this it is
that I never wanted to look at squarely in the face
you are ill
in a miserable way that Jerry and Si and Joanie say
is not infinitely painful, a well-known cell alteration in the epithelium
becomes the point
of departure
for the most horrible occurences
scattered throughout your body. And I,
who never wanted to look it squarely in the face,
will be working for the rest of my life to adjust myself
to the incommensurable
anonymous
pain. Am learning it with difficulty,
amid a hundred resistances,
and so sadly amazed. I wanted you to know of this
condition of mine
which will not be of the most passing, that your passing is
into us, bodies and poems, Paul dear, is very little comfort to you but it is what there is for both you and us.
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